


No Name

by SXH1417



Series: Love and Losses [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cuddles, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of past attempted suicide, Soul Comfort, Worry, mentions of past Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 01:43:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14843207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SXH1417/pseuds/SXH1417
Summary: It didn't take a genius to know something was wrong. The world was just a little bit darker. And to them... well, it honestly felt like it wouldn't ever be happy again.Note: Best Read without reading warnings or tags first. However, there are triggers.





	No Name

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone. I am back with the angst. I had this stuck in my head for a couple of days and needed it share it with all of you. I hope you all enjoy.
> 
> Note: Trigger Warnings will be in the endnotes because it is best read without them, but they are here.

It didn't take a genius to know something was wrong. The world was just a little bit darker. And to them... well, it honestly felt like it wouldn't ever be happy again.

He could see it in the dark circles under his sockets in the morning that it had been a bad night. Even as he made breakfast almost mechanically, singing his favorite tune at the same time, a smile wouldn't grace his skeleton's teeth. He would stare solemnly at his lap and sigh sadly. 

Sans was worried to the point that he'd even come to stay for a while. The banter back and forth brightened his mood only a little. Grillby had no idea how to help other than holding him at night, run a bath occasionally, and make some milkshakes.

It hurt his soul when those things didn't seem to work sometimes. All he could do then was assure Papyrus that he loved him no matter what.

Grillby opened the door to their home to fond all the lights off. Not a good sign. That was NOT good. Grillby panicked for a moment. He quickly threw his stuff down onto the couch.

"Oof!" A deep voice grunted. Grillby looked down and saw Sans illuminated in his flames. "good to see you too, Grillbz."

Grillby almost ignored him in favor of going to check on Papyrus. But, his soul calmed down when he saw Papyrus curled up at the end of the sectional with his feet in Sans's lap.

"The lights were off..." Grillby stated. Sans nodded with a sad smile. "Did he try...?"

"not this time. But he's been holding the jar all day again. i finally got him to let go earlier. we watched a movie like old times and he actually fell asleep. can you believe it? i think this is the first time, i've ever seen him actually _sleep_..."

Tears were brimming in Sans's sockets at that last statement. Worry was written all over his face. He was no doubt thinking about Papyrus's happier days. Grillby didn't say anything. He walked over to Sans and laid a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"It'll all be okay. Don't worry..." he murmured. "How long has he been asleep?"

"only an hour..."

Grillby nodded. He moved past Sans to Papyrus. His skeleton was always so small and light. It made it very easy to pick him up and carry him to bed. As Grillby turned to the stairs before glancing back at Sans.

"Goodnight, Sans," Grillby whispered.

"g'night, Grillbz. take good care of him."

I HOPE I CAN... He thought as he began his ascent up to the second floor. He made sure to walk slowly so as not to wake his husband. It had been quite a long and trying day for the both of them. He was happy to see Papyrus sleep a little instead of staying up all night, looking at the jar on the mantle.

Flashes of happiness in those now dull sockets haunted Grillby. When he came to the first door down the hall, he paused. The door was white, just like the others, but it still felt so special. He placed his hand on it a moment longer, tracing his fingers along the blank wooden sign...

He kept walking. His own tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. He went to the second room and opened the door immediately. He closed it behind him with a gentle nudge of his foot. Two steps later, he was placing a sleepy skeleton burrito on their bed. After a quick change of clothes, Grillby joined him. 

He pulled the other close, unwinding him carefully. Once it was just Papyrus, he used the blanket to cover them. It took only a little bit of coaxing, but Papyrus finally snuggled back into him. They were spooning now, something Papyrus loved. He especially loved being the little spoon, and Grillby enjoyed spoiling him too much.

Before, they would always end up in this position after being intimate. They would talk to each other about little things. Papyrus would tell him things about books he'd read, raising both their excitement. Their souls would float around the room as they shared ideas and thoughts. That was how the other room came to BE. Papyrus had suggested it. They'd both gotten it ready. Friends contributed and helped them. So many nights, while in this position, their souls would just float about the room, leaving little firelights as they floated in tandem to a soft song only they knew. Their favorite song...

Now, they were here. Papyrus was almost cold in his arms. It wasn't that the love wasn't there anymore... It just hurt. It hurt them both. Grillby didn't have the heart to try and make things better. All he could do was ride out the grief with Papyrus.

He placed a gentle hand next to the empty space where Papyrus's ecto-stomach would be. He missed feeling it under his touch... Not a moment later, another hand joined it. Surprised, Grillby looked to Papyrus. The other's eyes were cracked open, looking down slightly.

"I didn't think I woke you..." he whispered, fire crackling softly about them. His mate said nothing. He continued to coolly stare downward, toward their hands.

Papyrus's hand pressed harder, practically forcing Grillby to touch his spine. It wasn't sexual in any way. He'd seen Papyrus's features show more and more of his grief as Grillby's hand touch nothing until it touched his spine. His shoulders shook softly at first. After a few moments of Grillby's hand pressing hard into his spine, he let out a sob and his bones began to shake. Grillby just pulled him closer as the sobs wracked through his body. He fought against the urge to join Papyrus. He could grieve later. Papyrus needed him now.

With soothing words and gentle touches, the fire elemental was able to bring his husband back down. Papyrus was letting out a few hiccups here and there, but overall, the bout was over. After several minutes Papyrus spoke up with words that made Grillby's soul clench tightly.

"I can still feel it," he started softly. "The grainy feeling in my hands... It feels like it's still there... Everywhere..."

Grillby had no words. He wasn't there. He didn't witness it. He couldn't imagine the pain his husband was going through. He just pulled him closer, trying to show his support that way.

"I don't know what went wrong... I did what I could... I did everything I was told! Was it me? What did I do wrong?!" Papyrus's voice cracked as more tears slid down onto the pillow.

"You couldn't predict this, Papy. It's not your fault..." Grillby tried to assure.

"But, it _feels_ like it is!" Papyrus wailed, burying his head in the pillow as more choked sobs escaped him.

"I know..." Grillby replied lamely, stroking Papyrus's sternum in order to get him to calm a bit.

"We never even got to name them..." he whimpered.

"... I know..."

He remembered getting the call to come to the hospital, but the damned humans and their health inspectors came in and forced him to stay longer. When he finally got there, Sans and Undyne had been sitting outside with grave looks. There had been cracks in the wall where Undyne had been punching it. Papyrus sat alone in the hospital room with tears in his eyes and completely clean. He'd been wearing a hospital gown while curled up around a brand-new jar filled with dust.

He remembered how broken his husband looked then and was thankful every single day they had made some sort of progress. But, even he found it hard to find joy and be bright. Papyrus had always made up for his lack of it. But, after trying for so long... only for it to end up like this? Grillby hated the world, resented the human, resented whatever deity existed that had the fucking gall to take that beautiful shine from Papyrus's eyes.

He blamed everyone, including himself, for this pain.

"I'm... I'm so sorry..."

_What?_

"What for?" Grillby asked, completely confused.

"For... for..." Papyrus couldn't seem to say to find the words, so he gestured to his middle. Immediately catching on, Grillby's eyes widened. Of course Papyrus blamed himself. Papyrus always turned on himself when something bad happened. He always found some way to convince himself that no matter what, it was his fault. "I... I can understand if you... want to leave..."

_Oh no..._

Grillby was drawing blanks now. He had not a single clue how to reassure Papyrus that all his fears were wrong. But, he was out of his _element_. (Sans would have appreciated that.) The only thing he could think of was to remove his hand from Papyrus's spine.

As expected, Papyrus began to panic and cry more, but only until Grillby reached into his ribcage and pulled out his soul. He summoned his own and, like those floating lanterns they always liked, he set them out into the open air of their bedroom. Papyrus watched as they were drawn together, almost like powerful magnets. As soon as their souls touched, Grillby's love and unsaid assurances filtered through to him.

A small spark came to life behind those sockets. He could only hope that it stayed there. No. He'd make sure it would.

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of Past Attempted Suicide, Mentions of Past Miscarriage, Heavy Angst, Fluff, Comfort, Worry, Depression, Soul Comfort, Cuddles. Please, for the love of stars, tell me if I missed anything.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story. Please don't be afraid to tell me what you think!
> 
> Also, I'm on Tumblr! Check me out at https://sxh-studios1417.tumblr.com/


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